Divergent Dream

So according to my dream, Abnegation would do fear simulation different than Dauntless. In Abnegation (or whatever faction I was in), you are in what looked like a giant open house. There was no furniture or anything. But anyways, in the house, you're safe and whatever your fear is is outside. You have to choose to open the door to your fear. When you fear is gone, you can close the door. Then you choose if you want to face another fear at that time.
They told me that I had 98 Dauntless-related fears.
My first fear was what looked like Athalie, but it wasn't Athalie and I think it was my dream version of Athalie's mom, but she came and she confronted me about some decision I apparently made. I just kept telling her that her kids were amazing, and didn't let her slap me, and she calmed down and I was able to move on. The next fear I had was it got really dark outside and there were figures outside moving around and hiding behind trees and they were carrying things that looked like long axes or something like the creepy executioner from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I started singing a happy song and they turned into the chimney sweeps from Marry Poppins and they all started singing and dancing.
It was interesting.. and now I've admitted that I dream about nerd things :)

Chapter 31: Four and Six

Tris gets done with the simulation, and before she can do anything, Eric implants a "tracking device" courtesy of Erudite, which Tris really doesn't want to have injected because she knows how Erudite work now and she knows it's not a good idea. But she thinks its also a bad idea to refuse, so she goes along with it. She and Tobias go back to Tobias's room for a while, and they kiss but she gets all nervous and she ends up telling him about her fear landscape obstacle that was him. I think she's scared of being with him because she was raised Abnegation, and also because she's scared of letting anything get out of her own control. It might also have to do with the assault and all of the guy issues there.

He finds her new Abnegation tattoo and then he shows her his tattoos on his back and oh. my. goodness. he's attractive. He has a line of the faction symbols. Dauntless, then Abnegation, and underneath, Candor, then Erudite, and last, Amity.
Why?
"I think we've made a mistake." he says softly. "We've all started putting down the virtues of the other factions in the process of bolstering our own. I don't want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest." He clears his throat. "I continually struggle with kindness." 

Tris and Tobias's conversation flits over the future, and we see possibility for them.
"Someday," he says, "if you still want me, we can..." He pauses, clears his throat. "We can..."
I smile a little and wrap my arms around him before he finishes, pressing the side of my face to his chest. I feel his heartbeat against my cheek, as fast as my own. 
"Are you afraid of me, too, Tobias?"
"Terrified," he replies with a smile.

Chapter 30: Simulation

Tris goes through her simulation. She's got seven fears, but all can be conquered with her little mind games. Some of her fears she's seen before in the simulation, some she hasn't. But one takes her by surprise.
Tobias is her fear. Being with Tobias. Sleeping with him.
But because she is Tris, and because she is awesome, she says it really bluntly.
"I am not going to sleep with you in a hallucination. Okay?"
The last fear she goes through has her family, and a gun. She's got to shoot them. She's panicking because there's only 10 seconds to make the decision, and the simulation won't stop until she's calmed down or regained control. She remembers Tobias's words..
Selflessness and bravery aren't that different.
And she turns the gun to herself.

Chapter 29: Ready?

It is the day of the Final Test and Initiation, and they go to do their final test. It is to be a simulation not unlike the ones they've done before. They will do their fear landscape, timed. Only the initiate's reactions to the simulations can be seen, not the simulation scenarios themselves, for which Tris is thankful.
I imagine that the serum is liquid adrenaline rushing through my veins, making me strong. 
"Ready?" he asks. 

Chapter 28: Can you be a girl?

Tris is pissed at Four/Tobias still, and so she goes to visit Caleb because she wants that piece of home, plus her mom told her to go and ask him about the serum. But because Caleb's also a prick, he and Tris get in an argument, and then Tris gets taken and ends up in conversation with Jeanine. Jeanine is the one whose voice is in the aptitude test, as well as the evil mysterious voice talking to Eric about killing all the Divergent.
Tris lies to get out of that situation (Tris's aptitudes quite obviously did not include Candor.) and goes back to the Dauntless compound, where Eric is waiting for her. His sadistic little plan is to eventually have Tris's head on a stick, to make a name for himself and to make her into an example. But guess who saves the day?
wait for it...

Tobias!
(betcha didn't see that coming..)

They use their nifty little telepathic brains and Tris all of a sudden becomes this vulnerable little girl, sniffling because her handsome instructor rejected her attempts to kiss him. Tobias verifies the story, and then gets her away from Eric. Then he goes all protective, and she gets pissed, accidentally calls him her boyfriend, and then they kiss.

Tris goes back to the dorm and guess who has since hooked up? Will and Christina.
"Can you be a girl for a few seconds?" ... "Will kissed me."
..."What?" I demand. "When? How? What happened?"
"You can be a girl!"
They chat for a little bit, Tris finds out Christina's afraid of moths, and they laugh about it.

Later that night Tobias and Tris go get on the train, make out for a while, and Tobias tells her about what he's found out about some war plans.

Erudite and Dauntless are going to team up against Abnegation and they don't know how.

Chapter 27: Shuttup.

Tris is giddy the morning after she and Tobias kissed. (Who wouldn't be?? <3 ) Except Tobias isn't paying attention to her at all, and then they get told they're going into one of the instructors simulations and when Christina hopes it's Four's, Tris gets really defensive and it's kinda suspicious but then again he's not giving any indication that something happened between them. Keeping it platonic around other people is a good idea but it's gotta feel like a smack to the face to Tris.

Speaking of smack to the face... Tris flips out when she goes through the simulation because it's took her back to the assault and she practically breaks down but then Four comes over and pretty much yells at her because he knows that if he pushes her she won't break and it's better for her if she doesn't break down in front of everybody, but she's pissed that he yelled and rightly so, so she smacks him.

I hear footsteps. Tobias marches toward me and wrenches me to my feet. 
"What the hell was that, Stiff?"
"I..." My breath comes in a hiccup. "I didn't--"
"Get yourself together! This is pathetic."
Something within me snaps. My tears stop. Heat races through my body, driving the weakness out of me, and I smack him so hard my knuckles burn with the impact.  

Notice that? He said earlier that he loved that when he pushed, she didn't break, she got more alive. She needed him to push her right then, to keep her together. She didn't know, but he probably saved her again there. 

Chapter 26: AHHH!

I never used to understand why people bothered to hold hands as they walked, but then he runs one of his fingertips down my palm, and I shiver and understand it completely.
Like I said.. awh!

His test results were Abnegation, but he had to get away from Marcus, his prick dad. I think maybe he chose Dauntless because of after years of being beat and feeling helpless, he wanted to be able to have control over himself.

"Fine. You're not pretty. So?" He kisses my cheek. "I like how you look. You're deadly smart. You're brave. And even though you found out about Marcus..." His voice softens. "You aren't giving me that look. Like I'm a kicked puppy or something."
"Well," I say. "You're not."


And guess what happens next?????
Guess what???

Then he touches my face and leans in close, brushing my lips with his.

Oh. My. Goodness. AHHH! THEY KISSED!

The river roars and I feel its spray on my ankles. He grins and presses his mouth to mine.

AHHH! <3 

Chapter 25: Four.

Warning: There will be immense swooning in this chapter. Oh. My. Goodness. Four is more attractive than ever when he's scared.

He goes to his fear landscape, and takes her with him. He knew she would follow, or he hoped she would follow.  He injects her, and she, him.
They go in. Four has four fears (no, really. it was so hard to figure out.).

Fear 1: Heights. He gets through this one because they do it together, she pulls him after her, and they fall off the building.

Fear 2: Confinement. They're in a small room, and they can barely move. (Oh, I would love to be that close to Four.) Tris decides they need to make the space smaller, to move on from that part. They wiggle so they mold together like puzzle pieces, and he ends up with his arms wrapped around her. She inadvertently told him he makes her heart race, but I think he was so freaked out that I don't think he noticed. He tells her about being confined in a closet upstairs as a child as punishment. When he laughs, they walls disappear.

Fear 3: Shooting the Woman. He has to shoot a woman, every time he goes through his simulation.

Fear 4: Marcus. Marcus from Abnegation is in his 4th fear. Why? Because Four is Tobias! Abnegation-born Tobias! Marcus has a belt, and starts beating Tobias. Tris steps between the belt and Tobias, and when Tris gets hit with it, Tobias gets pissed. He pushes Tris behind him, to protect her, and that ends the simulation.

I think with Tobias's fourth fear, we really see where he, also, is bravest when he's protecting someone. Namely, Tris. (Here's where the girly swooning comes in. Awhhhhh!)

When they get out, he's at a point of sweet vulnerability and he looks at Tris with awe in his eyes. He pulls her close and holds her tight.
"Hey," I say softly. "We got through it."
He lifts his head and slips his fingers through my hair, tucking it behind my ear. We stare at each other in silence. His fingers move absently over a lock of my hair. 
"You got me through it," he says finally.

Oh. My. Gosh. I want one! I want a Tobias of my own. He's so precious!

Chapter 24: Al.

Tris gets woken up by Christina to go see them drag Al's body out of the chasm, where he apparently killed himself. He was displaying all suicide warning signs, and he wasn't happy. But still, he's dead.
That is death-- shifting from "is" to "was."
At the funeral, everybody's drunk and loud, and Molly tries to start a fight. Tris isn't really interested in staying at the "funeral".
"Can't pay any respects when you don't have any."

Tris and Four talk again. About life, and about how she has to be very careful and he's trying to  help her but she's just so flipping stubborn and oh my goodness. She can't see where he's tried to help her, and he tells her that she's her bravest when she's acting selflessly. He says it's because she's Abnegation, so I think the same might be true for him.

He wasn't persuading me to give up. He was reminding me why I couldn't-- because I needed to protect Al.

"Fear doesn't shut you down; it wakes you up. I've seen it. It's fascinating."


They hug. And he presses his lips against her forehead. And they stay there, in the sweet embrace, for a while.

AWWWHHHHHHH <3

Chapter 23: Whoever he is..

Tris stays with Four, and she admits to herself that she likes him.
He is not sweet or gentle or particularly kind. But he is smart and brave, and even though he saved me, he treated me like I was strong. That is all I need to know.
He gets her. <3
And apparently he's super hot.
I feel a thrill in my stomach when I see the line of skin that shows above his belt as he lifts a hand to dry his hair and force my eyes up to his face.
And he's funny. He's sweet and amazing and oh my goodness.
"Peter would probably throw a party if I stopped breathing."
"Well," he says, "I would only go if there was cake."
 This boy is nearly perfect.

Tris has to go back to Christina and she has to act weak, which she absolutely hates. Four comes over to the table of Transfers and tells them they're going to do something different. Uriah is super concerned about Tris, which is super sweet and the reason Uriah is amazing.
They climb on the path, and Tris ends up linking arms with Will for his sake, but Tris thinks that she sees a little bit of jealousy in Four because of it. <3

Four takes them to the Fear Landscape, and Peter complains. Four continues to demonstrate his amazingness with his little comments and digs.
"I understand why you're worried Peter. The events of last night certainly proved that you are a miserable coward." 
Peter stares back, expressionless.
"So now we all know," says Four, quietly, "that you are afraid of a short, skinny girl from Abnegation."

When they get back to the dormitory, Al tries to apologize to Tris but she basically says "screw you" and walks away. 

Chapter 22: Ruin them

Four's the greatest guy ever, and after he saves Tris, he takes her back to somewhere, I'm guessing it's his room or something. He's taking care of her and she tells him what happened. She doesn't want to report them or anything, because she doesn't want to look weak. But Four tells her that she should try looking a little weak, because then she won't stand out as much. Good advise, of course, but she's super resistant because she likes being strong, and likes protecting herself and being independent, and she doesn't want people to think that the boys took that away from her.
But Four's being a good nurse. I'd let him take care of me.

He hands me the ice pack. "You can let yourself be in pain," he says. "It's just me here."

He totally understands her need to be more than just the little Stiff.

"I don't want to say this," he says, "but I feel like I have to. It is more important for you to be safe than right, for the time being. Understand?"

"But please, when you see an opportunity..." ... "Ruin them."

Four also hints that there is more to him than his name, and he's willing to share that with Tris, eventually.

Chapter 21, cont: The Dark Side

After the long day that was the day of postings, Tris was asleep but wakes up and decides to get water, but then she stumbles on a discussion between Eric and some woman. They're talking about how Eric's first and foremost job is finding Divergents and promptly killing them. While Tris is eavesdropping, she gets assaulted by at least 3 people, one of them being Peter. Because he's evil.

"Wonder what it sounds like when a Stiff begs for mercy," Peter says with a chuckle. 

They take Tris to the ledge of the chasm, and in the process, Tris smells the scent of Lemongrass and sage on one of the guys who's basically assaulting her, and she recognizes it as being Al. They push her up against the metal railing and they feel her up, and she tries to escape. She screams, and as they're holding her over the chasm, Four comes in on his white horse and slays the bad guys and carries her off away from the chasm.
*swoons*

Chapter 21: Distraction :)

There are new articles out about Erudite and Abnegation, but Tris is really focused on the whole 'getting murdered if she's found out' thing. And also on Four.
Four's being a main distraction right now, and who can blame her? But anyways she's still trying to figure out where he fits into this whole 'Divergent' thing. Is he? Is he related to one? Whats up with that? And she brought up his family, and he was all vague with his answer. She asked him if he ever missed his family.
Four looks down. "No," he says eventually. "I don't. But that's unusual."
And she's super distracted by Four, and even she recognizes it.. you know it's bad when she even admits it.
Too long-and now, even longer, my heart even louder, his tranquil eyes swallowing me whole. 
I push the door open and hurry down the hallway. 
I shouldn't be so easily distracted by him. I shouldn't be able to think of anything but initiation. 
and yet... she can :)

Also, Rankings are up four the second part of initiation, and Tris is ranked first. Her friends are all pissed because they feel like she's been playing her skills down to beat them when they weren't looking, and Al is upset because he's ranked last and doesn't want to do anything anymore because he's not up for Dauntless.

Chapter 20: You're Divergent.

Tris goes under another stimulation. This time, she's trapped in a box that is slowly going underwater. She uses her special Divergent superpower to manipulate it so she can get out. The only problem with that is that Four knows now.

"Don't play stupid," he says. "I suspected it last time, but this time it's obvious. You manipulated the simulation; you're Divergent. I'll delete the footage, but unless you want to wind up dead at the bottom of the chasm, you'll figure out how to hide it during the simulations! Now, if you'll excuse me."

He's pissed. But don't worry, because he's just worried that she's gonna get killed and they wont  be able to have little Four-lings.

Tris goes to Tori because Tris has no idea what to do, and Four practically shut her out. Tori tells Tris about her brother Georgie, who ended up being killed because he was too obvious with his Divergence.

Chapter 19: Such the flirt!

Erudite is dumb and they're questioning Abnegation because both Caleb and Beatrice transferred out of Abengation, and their dad is like one of the big guys in Abnegation. Anyways, after Will pulls Tris away from a potential fight (would've been started by Tris, surprise surprise), they go down to get Christina another tattoo. On their way there, they see Four by the chasm, and Tris can tell he's been drinking. He comes up to Tris, and they talk a little bit.
"What are you doing?"
"Flirting with death," he replies with a laugh. "Drinking near the chasm. Probably not a good idea."

I laugh. "Do me a favor and stay away from the chasm, okay?"
"Of course." He winks at me. 
I can't help it. I smile.

:) He's even attractive when he's intoxicated.

But Al's still got a thing for Tris, which is unfortunate because he can't hold a candle to Four. Plus he ends up being dead, and Four doesn't. Al: 0, Four: 2

Chapter 18: Be Brave, Tris

It's time for the second portion of initiation, and Tris gets put into a hallucination that can only be escaped when she calms down. Four takes her aside and they talk. They talk about she didn't expect it to be this hard, and how she's doing better than the other initiates and how much Dauntless has changed. The Dauntless leadership determines the approach to dauntless training that is taken, and apparently a few years ago, Max and the other Dauntless leaders decided that they would rather have brutal Dauntless than honorable Dauntless. Hence, Eric verses Four.


"Do I look like I've been crying?" I say. 
...
"No, Tris," he says. 
...
"You look tough as nails." 

Chapter 17: 100 stories up

Uriah takes Tris to this 100-story building for some Dauntless-initiate thing that not everybody knows about.
"What floor?" the girl with the shaved head says.
"One hundred," I say. 
"How would you know that?"
"Lynn come on," says Uriah. "Be nice."
"We're in a one-hundred-story abandoned building with some Dauntless," I retort. "Why don't you know that?"
Tris finds out that they're going to slide down a steel cable in a black sling from one thousand feet up. Tris is really excited about it and has so much fun doing it. The other initiates (the ones that are there) decide that they're not gonna call her Stiff anymore because she's now one of them.
And that's what she wants.

Chapter 16: That's why her hair is so big... it's full of secrets.

Tris's friends start talking about the aptitude test, which makes Tris very nervous because what if someone found out? It could ruin her! She tells them the (kinda) truth, that she didn't have to kill the dog, and that she had an aptitude for Abnegation but transferred to Dauntless anyways. She leaves out the whole 'inconclusive results' thing, as well as the 'Divergent' thing. But anyways so then the rankings are posted, and Edward got first, Peter got second, and Tris got sixth. But then that night, Edward wakes up with a scream as someone *cough Peter cough* stabs a butter knife in his eyeball. Tris is the only one who does something, prolly because she was raised in the Abnegation lifestyle and is used to helping people.
Will tells Tris about the Dauntless manifesto: I believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another. I think this is how Eric and Four are different. Four still has that type of bravery and courage. Eric doesn't.
We find out that both Edward and Myra are leaving Dauntless because of what happened.

Chapter 15: Visiting Day

The next day on her way out of her room, Eric stops her.

“I may have underestimated you, Stiff,” he says. “You did well yesterday.”

For some reason, that makes her feel sick. She doesn’t want to get Eric’s approval, because of what she thinks of the way Eric interprets Dauntless.

If Eric thinks I did something right, I must have done it wrong.

Tris looks around The Pit, and doesn’t think that anybody is going to come from her family, but then she sees that her mom came. They talk, and her mom updates her on the awful relationship between Erudite and Abnegation, and asks her to get some information from Caleb about the Simulation Serum. Her mom keeps talking about initiation, and ranking, and her inconclusive results. Apparently Divergence is more common from Abnegation-raised children than other factions.

I think it might be because of the nature of Abnegation—their faction is more inclusive of other faction traits, I think.

Tris finally realizes that her mother was Dauntless before she transferred to Abnegation.

Chapter 14: Molly

Tris is borderline sexually assaulted by Peter, Drew, and Molly, after she got out of the shower so when she ends up getting put down to fight Molly, she’s pissed enough to fight really well. She uses her anger to get Molly to the floor, and she can’t seem to stop kicking her, especially as Molly curls up in the fetal position. She doesn’t stop kicking Molly until Four pulls her away. He doesn’t seem to be too happy about what she did.

He stares at me. His eyes are too wide; they look alarmed.

I wish I could say I felt guilty for what I did.

I don’t.

I think Four’s kind of scared of her, especially if he thinks highly of her because she thinks things through. Her kicking Molly when she was down was more something that Eric would do, and I think Four cares enough about Tris that he’s scared of her becoming like Eric.

Chapter 13: Go Get It

Knives! They’re doing knife practice today, which goes all fine until Al fails at knife throwing and Eric makes him go to get the knife and Tris goes all Abnegation and objects to what Eric is doing. So Eric, being the great amazing guy he is, makes her stand in front of the target while throws knives around her. He nicks her ear with the knife and she can tell he did it intentionally. She gets pissed, naturally, and goes all psycho on him. Kudos to him, he stays calm and rational.

“You did that on purpose!” I shout.

“Yes, I did,” he says quietly. “And you should thank me for helping you.”

“I’m not sadistic.” […] “If I wanted to hurt you, don’t you think I would have already?”

Well obviously he doesn’t want to hurt her because he’s so so so… him.

Chapter 12: Field Trip

The initiates get woken up in the middle of the night, kind of like that one movie with Amanda Bynes (I think) in it and the sorority initiation where they have to find a date and she brings the really dorky guy. But anyways, they go on a field trip to Navy Pier. When she runs to get on the train, Four helps her up <3. He also picks her first when he and Eric are picking teams for capture the flag. She’s pissed because Eric plants the idea in their heads that Four is just going for the weak ones, but then she picks up on the fact that Four is going with strategy, not brute force. Once they get to their base, Tris sneaks away to climb the Ferris Wheel to see what the other team is doing. Four follows her, and she learns that he’s afraid of heights. And also that he makes her legs shake and her breathing shallow.

I stare at him for a second. I can’t help it. To me there’s a difference between not being afraid and acting in spite of fear, as he does.

He’s so attractive!!!

His breaths flutter against my ear, and I feel shaky again, like I did when I was climbing the ladder.

They find the other team’s flag, and Tris almost dies by falling off the Ferris Wheel, but then they go and capture the flag but Christina takes the credit but its all okay because…

A hand touches my shoulder.

“Well done,” Four says quietly.

Chapter 11: A knack for unwise decisions

Christina is awesome. After Tris gets all beat up and bruised the day before, Christina helped her get dressed and tie her shoes and get breakfast and everything.  We learn more about what rankings do to Dauntless job opportunities, and why Four is in the position of training initiates instead of in the government. Tris gets reprimanded for talking to an Amity she used to know, and oh yeah, Molly’s a really awful person.

But on the plus side, Four talked to Tris and she mentions the fact that he didn’t stay to watch her fight.  “It wasn’t something I wanted to watch,” he says.

She’s confused by that but obviously he likes her and oh my gosh!

Chapter 10: Stiff

The morning after Christina has to hang off the edge of the chasm, Tris comes back from the showers with ‘Stiff’ spray painted all across her bed and stuff because people are jerks. Tris is talking to Al and he mentions that she was first jumper. Maybe I was first jumper, but I suspect that’s where my Dauntless fame begins and ends.

Yeah, I highly doubt that she’ll only be remembered for being first jumper. I feel like she’s a bigger deal than she gives herself credit for. That same day, she’s assigned to fight Peter (who obviously, because he’s a jerk, was the one who sprayed her stuff). She’s pissed at him, which plays to her advantage for a very little time, mentally, because she doesn’t want to be the one to be begging on the ground. She’s getting pushed around and beaten badly, and she catches a glimpse of Four walking out instead of waiting around to watch her get pummeled even more. She gets knocked out and goes to the hospital infirmary for the first time. She and Al talk a little bit, about how he doesn’t want to hurt anybody any more.

At the end of the day, Tris leaves the infirmary, and cries herself to sleep.

The only thing worse than letting Peter put me in the hospital would be letting him put me there overnight.

Chapter 9: Fight

"A brave man acknowledges the strength of others," Four replies. 
"A brave man never surrenders." 
Four and Eric stare at each other for a few seconds. I feel like I am looking at two different kinds of Dauntless-- the honorable kind, and the ruthless kind. But even I know that in this room, it's Eric, the youngest leader of the Dauntless, who has the Authority.