Sunday, May 26, 2013

Divergent Dream

So according to my dream, Abnegation would do fear simulation different than Dauntless. In Abnegation (or whatever faction I was in), you are in what looked like a giant open house. There was no furniture or anything. But anyways, in the house, you're safe and whatever your fear is is outside. You have to choose to open the door to your fear. When you fear is gone, you can close the door. Then you choose if you want to face another fear at that time.
They told me that I had 98 Dauntless-related fears.
My first fear was what looked like Athalie, but it wasn't Athalie and I think it was my dream version of Athalie's mom, but she came and she confronted me about some decision I apparently made. I just kept telling her that her kids were amazing, and didn't let her slap me, and she calmed down and I was able to move on. The next fear I had was it got really dark outside and there were figures outside moving around and hiding behind trees and they were carrying things that looked like long axes or something like the creepy executioner from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. I started singing a happy song and they turned into the chimney sweeps from Marry Poppins and they all started singing and dancing.
It was interesting.. and now I've admitted that I dream about nerd things :)

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Chapter 31: Four and Six

Tris gets done with the simulation, and before she can do anything, Eric implants a "tracking device" courtesy of Erudite, which Tris really doesn't want to have injected because she knows how Erudite work now and she knows it's not a good idea. But she thinks its also a bad idea to refuse, so she goes along with it. She and Tobias go back to Tobias's room for a while, and they kiss but she gets all nervous and she ends up telling him about her fear landscape obstacle that was him. I think she's scared of being with him because she was raised Abnegation, and also because she's scared of letting anything get out of her own control. It might also have to do with the assault and all of the guy issues there.

He finds her new Abnegation tattoo and then he shows her his tattoos on his back and oh. my. goodness. he's attractive. He has a line of the faction symbols. Dauntless, then Abnegation, and underneath, Candor, then Erudite, and last, Amity.
Why?
"I think we've made a mistake." he says softly. "We've all started putting down the virtues of the other factions in the process of bolstering our own. I don't want to do that. I want to be brave, and selfless, and smart, and kind, and honest." He clears his throat. "I continually struggle with kindness." 

Tris and Tobias's conversation flits over the future, and we see possibility for them.
"Someday," he says, "if you still want me, we can..." He pauses, clears his throat. "We can..."
I smile a little and wrap my arms around him before he finishes, pressing the side of my face to his chest. I feel his heartbeat against my cheek, as fast as my own. 
"Are you afraid of me, too, Tobias?"
"Terrified," he replies with a smile.

Chapter 30: Simulation

Tris goes through her simulation. She's got seven fears, but all can be conquered with her little mind games. Some of her fears she's seen before in the simulation, some she hasn't. But one takes her by surprise.
Tobias is her fear. Being with Tobias. Sleeping with him.
But because she is Tris, and because she is awesome, she says it really bluntly.
"I am not going to sleep with you in a hallucination. Okay?"
The last fear she goes through has her family, and a gun. She's got to shoot them. She's panicking because there's only 10 seconds to make the decision, and the simulation won't stop until she's calmed down or regained control. She remembers Tobias's words..
Selflessness and bravery aren't that different.
And she turns the gun to herself.

Chapter 29: Ready?

It is the day of the Final Test and Initiation, and they go to do their final test. It is to be a simulation not unlike the ones they've done before. They will do their fear landscape, timed. Only the initiate's reactions to the simulations can be seen, not the simulation scenarios themselves, for which Tris is thankful.
I imagine that the serum is liquid adrenaline rushing through my veins, making me strong. 
"Ready?" he asks. 

Chapter 28: Can you be a girl?

Tris is pissed at Four/Tobias still, and so she goes to visit Caleb because she wants that piece of home, plus her mom told her to go and ask him about the serum. But because Caleb's also a prick, he and Tris get in an argument, and then Tris gets taken and ends up in conversation with Jeanine. Jeanine is the one whose voice is in the aptitude test, as well as the evil mysterious voice talking to Eric about killing all the Divergent.
Tris lies to get out of that situation (Tris's aptitudes quite obviously did not include Candor.) and goes back to the Dauntless compound, where Eric is waiting for her. His sadistic little plan is to eventually have Tris's head on a stick, to make a name for himself and to make her into an example. But guess who saves the day?
wait for it...

Tobias!
(betcha didn't see that coming..)

They use their nifty little telepathic brains and Tris all of a sudden becomes this vulnerable little girl, sniffling because her handsome instructor rejected her attempts to kiss him. Tobias verifies the story, and then gets her away from Eric. Then he goes all protective, and she gets pissed, accidentally calls him her boyfriend, and then they kiss.

Tris goes back to the dorm and guess who has since hooked up? Will and Christina.
"Can you be a girl for a few seconds?" ... "Will kissed me."
..."What?" I demand. "When? How? What happened?"
"You can be a girl!"
They chat for a little bit, Tris finds out Christina's afraid of moths, and they laugh about it.

Later that night Tobias and Tris go get on the train, make out for a while, and Tobias tells her about what he's found out about some war plans.

Erudite and Dauntless are going to team up against Abnegation and they don't know how.

Chapter 27: Shuttup.

Tris is giddy the morning after she and Tobias kissed. (Who wouldn't be?? <3 ) Except Tobias isn't paying attention to her at all, and then they get told they're going into one of the instructors simulations and when Christina hopes it's Four's, Tris gets really defensive and it's kinda suspicious but then again he's not giving any indication that something happened between them. Keeping it platonic around other people is a good idea but it's gotta feel like a smack to the face to Tris.

Speaking of smack to the face... Tris flips out when she goes through the simulation because it's took her back to the assault and she practically breaks down but then Four comes over and pretty much yells at her because he knows that if he pushes her she won't break and it's better for her if she doesn't break down in front of everybody, but she's pissed that he yelled and rightly so, so she smacks him.

I hear footsteps. Tobias marches toward me and wrenches me to my feet. 
"What the hell was that, Stiff?"
"I..." My breath comes in a hiccup. "I didn't--"
"Get yourself together! This is pathetic."
Something within me snaps. My tears stop. Heat races through my body, driving the weakness out of me, and I smack him so hard my knuckles burn with the impact.  

Notice that? He said earlier that he loved that when he pushed, she didn't break, she got more alive. She needed him to push her right then, to keep her together. She didn't know, but he probably saved her again there. 

Chapter 26: AHHH!

I never used to understand why people bothered to hold hands as they walked, but then he runs one of his fingertips down my palm, and I shiver and understand it completely.
Like I said.. awh!

His test results were Abnegation, but he had to get away from Marcus, his prick dad. I think maybe he chose Dauntless because of after years of being beat and feeling helpless, he wanted to be able to have control over himself.

"Fine. You're not pretty. So?" He kisses my cheek. "I like how you look. You're deadly smart. You're brave. And even though you found out about Marcus..." His voice softens. "You aren't giving me that look. Like I'm a kicked puppy or something."
"Well," I say. "You're not."


And guess what happens next?????
Guess what???

Then he touches my face and leans in close, brushing my lips with his.

Oh. My. Goodness. AHHH! THEY KISSED!

The river roars and I feel its spray on my ankles. He grins and presses his mouth to mine.

AHHH! <3